My wife, Janet, and I have been married for 43 years, and we can both tell you this much—building a great marriage doesn’t happen by accident.
As with every couple, there have been times where we have disagreed and butted heads. We have had to navigate the challenges of raising a family and leading a growing church.
It hasn’t always been easy, but we wouldn’t trade what we have for anything. Janet and I are truly “a happily married couple.” But I will honestly tell you that without the Lord, we wouldn’t have the blessed relationship that we enjoy today.
It’s noteworthy that before the apostle Paul gives any instructions on marriage (and many other relationships), he speaks first about our relationship with the Lord.
In Ephesians 5:17–21, Paul tells us to understand God’s will, be filled with the Spirit, worship the Lord, be thankful to the Lord, and have a reverential fear of God. Then he goes on to give instructions to husbands and wives about marriage in verses 22–33. We find the same pattern and teaching in Colossians 3:15–19.
The idea is that when our vertical relationship with God is strong, our horizontal relationships—with our spouse, our family, and our friends—can flourish too.
Eternities and marriages are being transformed as people discover that when their relationship with God is right, everything else begins to fall into place.
Years ago, I met a man who taught me that truth in a way I’ll never forget. He was one of the kindest, most generous men I’d ever met. But when I got to know his family, they told me what he was like before he met Jesus.
“Pastor,” they said, “you might not believe it, but we were terrified of him. He was violent, angry, and selfish.”
Then this man came to Christ—and everything changed.
He got the vertical relationship right, and every horizontal one started to heal. His wife got a new husband. His children got a new father. Everyone who knew him saw the difference.
That is what happens when Jesus transforms a life.
The apostle Paul gives us God’s blueprint for marriage in Ephesians 5. He calls wives to respect their husbands—not because they’re inferior, but as an act of honor before God. And he calls husbands to love their wives with sacrificial, Christ-like love, putting her needs ahead of their own.
This isn’t a cultural idea. It’s a divine mandate.
The problem is, some have twisted these truths. Submission is misunderstood. Sacrifice is minimized. Love and respect have become optional. But God’s Word still stands—and when we follow it, His grace and power show up.
Friend, if you want a strong marriage—or any strong relationship—it starts by letting God shape your heart.
Love and respect are the essential fuel of a healthy marriage. Wives need love. Husbands need respect. When we give what the other most needs, we both receive what our hearts long for.
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “Bayless, I wish my marriage looked like that,” or maybe you’re divorced, widowed, or single—and these words touch a tender place in your heart.
Please hear me: God sees you. He knows your story. And He is able to bring healing, restoration, and new joy to every part of your life.
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